epilogue

h.e.r.e
a.n.d
t.h.e.r.e

.accompanying tidbits.

There you are
Be my Romeo
Lenyapkan segala
Tak ingin gundah lagi
Dakapi bahagia
With you.
Be my Romeo.
And I’ll be your Juliet.
Cipta Shakespeare kita.
Terus bermimpi.
Khayalan indah.
Angan realiti.

A wilting rose.
A dying wave.
A cooling inferno.
Your frozen heart.
Your blank stare.
Your void emotion.
My challenge.
My puzzle.
My enigma.
Our game.
Our lesson.
And hopefully,
Our victory.

My little heart
It aches for you
It breaks into pieces
It grieves for what you’ve become
In so many ways
In so little time
In so brief an instant.
Because you’re heartbreaking.
In just so many little ways.

Ada kala
Kau buat aku tersenyum
Ada kala juga
Kau buat aku terpaku
But most of the time
You break my heart

Confessions of a little heart
Too fragile
Easily ached
Simply touched
For you
By you

And all you did was
Being there
Amazingly

ch6

It was raining hard, and she was sharing the medium sized college umbrella with Ingrid. Their jeans were both soaking wet at the hems. She hadn’t bothered to roll them up like Ingrid, because she’d thought it looked cool, and besides, it’d get wet anyway. There was no point rolling it up and complaining afterwards, like what Ingrid was doing.

She’d taken a look at Ingrid’s jeans, and was laughing at her when she saw him. Just a fraction of the second. Like usual. It was always just a fraction of the second. They would catch each other’s eyes, and then look away and pretend they haven’t seen anything.

To her, it was heartbreaking.
And maybe to him, it was a look. Just a look.

“Hoping makes me feel stupid,” she said out loud, dumping her face into the pillow.

“Not desperate?” Ingrid added, looking up from her magazine.

“Not desperate, not pathetic, just stupid,” she replied. “Well maybe just a little bit pathetic, but just a little.”

“Yeah well, story of our lives, isn’t it, the guy that we have the hots for just don’t give a damn. It’s like I like you, okay, I know it’s stupid and I know you don’t care,” Ingrid said all but in one breath.

“You know, I had a little chat with Dominic this evening. I asked him a few things, and he told me a few things. It was pretty informative, in a way that induced me to say I feel so stupid for placing flaccid hope on a guy so broken,” she said, now reaching for a glass of fresh water.

“Yeah? What’d he say?”

“Well I asked him, how do you fix a guy who thinks he’s broken? And he went like, you don’t do anything. You let him be, and he’ll come around. So I was like, how was that possible, don’t you think, like he needs support, or something? And Dominic said, well, he’s got his mates for that. He said he knew what exactly I was on about, and—“

“Did he tell you to leave him alone?”

“Well, yeah. And I went a bit off after that. Dom said; he’s already under a lot of stress dealing with his own shit that he can’t deal, so he’s pretty sure he doesn’t need anymore stress having me trying to like, get in the way, etcetera. I guess I get what he’s trying to tell me, though, so I stopped asking,” Sophie finished, rubbing her eyes. “It’s sad.”

“Mm hmm.”

“But I kinda get it.”

“You shouldn’t have been putting up hopes for him in the first place, no?”

Coming from Ingrid, that was really concise.

“I guess.”

“Oh but honey, no worries,” Ingrid said. “People like us are only single because of bad timing, don’t you think so? Think about it. Isn’t it bad timing that you just happened to fall for him just when things were falling apart with his ex? There could have been many different paths that he could take, but seriously, it wasn’t your fault, right?”

“Or maybe we just weren’t meant to be.”

Sophie lowered her head and bit her lips. Those were probably the saddest thought she’d ever think of since the past ten months since she’d saw him. Gritting her teeth, she felt like she wanted to just cry and shout and let it go and screw everything off. Shit. How she could stand being like this, she didn’t know. How she could stand feeling like this for so long, she didn’t know.

But then again, maybe it was bad timing. She knew she had a chance. There were moments, moments when her hopes had really perked up, moments when she’d caught him looking at her and looking like he wanted to say something, moments when their eyes locked, moments when she caught him looking away. Little things. Little things that meant nothing to him. Little things that meant huge things to her.

“Or maybe you’re right.”

If one day, I actually start to matter; please let me know.
Because if I could wish for one thing, I would hear you say my name.

After crossing out the last two sentences, she folded the little square paper nicely and slowly inserted it to a secure spot in her wallet. One day she’d run into him, and on that fine day, maybe she can give it to him, and start hoping again.

Although she would most probably feel stupid about it. Very stupid.

ch5

“So I guess we should start,” Sophie said slowly, trying to ease the twitching of her lips muscles.

The butterflies in her tummies had automatically disappeared the moment she saw him walking towards their corner. That was a thing that had kept her dumbfounded most of the time. As soon as she saw him, that feeling would just disappear. Was it supposed to mean something?

“Yeah, maybe.”

That voice. His voice. Sophie couldn’t think just how many times she’d played it over and over again in her mind. Now they were directed at her, meant for her. So she was supposed to feel something, right?

So why was she isn’t?

Just how nice was it, the way that fate had played with her? If she was Fate itself, she would be laughing at her own arse right about now. Just as the night’s incident – during which she felt like she had been slapped three times by the same guy in one night and the world had just swallowed her alive – were starting to evaporate from her memory, honestly, she was forgetting about it, she thought she was handling it very well, that was the exact time fate came around and decided to pair her up with him on a certain project assignment. She was in presentation and he was in research, but somehow or other, she was being instructed to help him out with his research materials. Just how nice of fate to play around.

They worked together silently, not saying anything, not even just a friendly something. Nothing.

Naturally Sophie felt annoyed, but there was nothing she could think of to do. She’d partially given up on him anyway. Plus, she was used to being annoyed by him, or more like being hurt
most of the time.

Of course he was there in her mind all the time. Yes, she was most definitely focusing the task at hand, but at the same time, she was fidgeting with all her might about what was going on in that brain of his. How couldn’t she?

The longer she thought about it, the more it made sense to her that they couldn’t – or wouldn’t, ever – speak to each other. She knew part of the reasons all too well.

There was her ego, and then there was his ego. They wouldn’t talk to another unless one of them swallowed their own ego first. Wasn’t it the boys who always start a conversation first? That might quite be a conservative idea, but hell, she had approached him first and told him how she’d liked him and everything, and even though she was accepting the fact that the feeling wasn’t going to be reciprocated, wouldn’t it be fair if he could’ve just strike up another conversation?

What was it that he was so reluctant of?

Her?

Why?

From what she knew, she wasn’t such a nonentity or an eyesore that everyone just refused to talk to. No, she knew she was better than that.

So just what type of issue did he have with her?

What?

She’d considered asking him once, because she knew that to know the answer to a question regarding someone, it was best that she ask that person straight to the face. She had considered that, many, many times.

Only problem was, she knew what kind of response she would be getting, without any question.

Of course there were “What ifs” but those what ifs were just absurd to even think about. He was just too predictable that way.

He wouldn’t talk to her. Simple.

So if he wasn’t, she wasn’t going to as well. It would be a waste of her breath anyway. Maybe he thinks it would waste his breath as well to talk to her since he never so much as uttered more than five words to her given previous incidences, so.

Ugh. She huffed in annoyance.

These were the moments when she hated him the most. Thinking about the fact that he couldn’t so much as look at her, much less say a freaking single syllable of the English language. Or any language, for that matter.

Their session together ended as briefly as it had started. None of them said a word, except for “See you tomorrow” and that was coming from a very annoyed, reluctant, hurt Sophie. He just nodded and headed the opposite way without even looking at her. Even when they compared notes, he took one look at hers, cross-referenced a few things, wrote little notes here and there, and that was it.

How would you have felt?

Sophie stared at the void in front of her. How she could come out alive from this, how she was supposed to make sense from all this, she didn’t know. At that moment, she decided to just dive into the situation.

“Don’t worry,” Dom had said to her, “You’ll come out of it alive.”

“Thanks for the well-wishing,” Sophie said half-heartedly. All the colour was coming out from her
face. She felt so dull.

“Hey. Relax,” Dom said shortly.

“How could I, Dominic?” Sophie shot back. “Why is it so hard for him to talk?”

“Maybe he just feels uncomfortable with you,” Dom said.

Fuck that, Sophie thought inwardly. She was already tired of thinking about this. If he wasn’t able to talk to her, that was his problem.

“How’s the research going?” Dom asked.

“In terms of productivity, we’re good. I can imagine already what I’d be presenting about. It’s going to be one hell of an assignment. You wouldn’t believe what we found out,” Sophie said, a hint of interest in her voice. “I think by today we would be finished with it, though. There were just some things that needed trimming. So I’d say today would be the last of our ‘silent dates’.”

Ingrid was the one who came up with that term. It was intentionally sarcastic.

Dominic laughed. “Don’t worry, Sophie. There’s always that silver lining thing, right?”

“Whatever.”

ch4

“I’m such a fool for thinking fairy tales can happen,” she said absent-mindedly.

“I won’t blame you,” Ingrid replied.
“That means you can.”

“But I choose not to.”

“Thank you.”

They were sitting at their favourite spot at the coffee shop, waiting for a movie to start some time later.

“But seriously, though,” Ingrid said slowly. “Genuinely, I think he has a spot for you.”

“A spot for what? Amusement? Someone he can tell his friends about and laugh at incessantly afterwards? Right. Well spot on, thank you very much.”

Ingrid sighed and gave up trying to make her friend see sense.

“He just breaks my heart, you know,” Sophie said, looking at her nails. “In so many tiny little pieces.”

Ingrid opened her mouth to say something, but closed it right back. She took a sip of her ice-blended.

“At least he knows you care.”

“Yeah, whatever. It doesn’t make any difference. Except making the situation worse than ever.”

“What the hell. You said what you wanted to,” Ingrid retorted. “Isn’t that the only thing that mattered?”

“It would’ve been,” Sophie said. “If he’d responded positively toward it. He’s one fucked up bloke, he is. He’s such a wreck.”

“Tell me about it,” Ingrid snorted. Honestly, this guy that Sophie is having it really bad for; he was such a different, complicated case that she just couldn’t ask her friend to abandon. She’d considered asking Sophie to just forget about him, of course, a million times at that. But when she thought about it, it would be nice to see if she could do something about it. Maybe one day Sophie would be able to get his guards down. She would seriously want to be there when it happened. Sadly, that day was never to come. Sadly, she was also hoping it would, just like Sophie.

“Maybe the world would be better off without this thing called hope,” Ingrid mused out loud.

“Nah, don’t say that. It’s what makes the world go round after all. All the things we never want; they’re the ones making the world spin,” Sophie reflected, her eyes looking anywhere but here.

“And all the things we ever want that we could never get,” Ingrid sighed.
Sophie finished the last dregs of her latte and started to smooth down her shirt, checking her watch at the same time.

“We should get going,” she said briskly.

“Yeah,” Ingrid said.

“And don’t worry so much, you know, about me,” Sophie said, putting an arm around her friend.

“I don’t like being stuck in a loser mood for long. I guess I just needed a good coffee and a nice talk. So I’ll be back to normal.”

“Yeah, I wish. But no worries, hey?”

“I promise,” Sophie smiled genuinely.

They started walking in a good pace towards the cinema. Sophie really wanted to forget about last night. She had never been so hurt. But whatever. She guessed that whatever God has in store for her would be far better than what happened to her last night. A girl can only take up so much. And if this guy was planning on hurting her whenever she wanted to help, then maybe she just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe she could live with that.

When the truth was, she couldn’t.

Ingrid gripped her arm, trying to reassure her that it was going to be okay.

God this hurts, she thought silently. All she could think of to do right now was strangle him to death. Damn it, it hurts.

ch3

“You’re so remote, so guarded, so careful. So private to the public eye. You never show things…you just move,” she told him. “You’re all these things I can never understand.”

He kept quiet, biting his lower lip and looking away. Looking at anything but her. In a way, he was glad she didn’t. He preferred it that way.

“I never asked you to.”

At that instant, she felt like there was this impossibly sharp knife that just slitted through her skin, through her heart, through the deepest of her emotions. He could hurt her, just like that.

With five simple words of the English language.

He could tell she was hurt.

Perfect. He wasn’t in need of another female in favour of his feelings. The last was enough. At least she wasn’t sobbing. He stole a look at her. She was looking down, gritting her teeth. At her frustration, and at his ignorance, his noncomittance. A wave of empathy washed over him for a split second. Just that split of a second.

“All I ever wanted was—“

“To be my friend?” he snorted. “Sorry, but there was never a vacancy for that. Not last time, not now, not later, not forever.”

The second blow hurt her just as much as the first one did. In tenfolds. Why did he have to be so damn hard? And why was she caring?

“Hear me out.”

She’d said it in her lowest voice possible, her most feeble. She was intricately pleading.

“I don’t need to.”

And he started to make for the exit. He didn’t know why he was being so distant, so cold, so hesitant to her advances. And all she ever wanted was nothing really dangerous, really. Except he knew that if they started being friends, he would lose it all over again. He just would. She was everything that made him forget, and when he just start doing that, he would remember. That was impeccably dangerous. He didn’t want to go there again.

She was holding on to herself, gripping at her cardigan sleeve more tightly than ever. She could die if she didn’t get this out. He needed to hear her.

“Wait,” she managed to grab at his jacket as he walked past her.

He tensed, choosing to stand rooted at the floor and staring into it. He could have easily yanked her grip off his jacket, but he didn’t. Dominic’s voice echoed across his brain. Give it a shot, mate.

“We can take it slow, you know. You don’t have to be so damn hard.”

“Is that all?”

He could feel her feet shifting as she twisted her torso and moved around to face him. Now she was in front of him, begging silently for all the world, for him to see her in the eye.

“Look at me,” she said. “Just look at me.”

And he did. He looked into her eyes. There was nothing absolutely brilliant about it. Her facial features were also very normal, none of them would have very much cost her a glance from him had she been an unknown stranger.

But those eyes; he saw it then.

They cared.

“I care. That’s all I need you to hear,” she spoke as he stared into those eyes, and she stared back. “I care.”

And as she let go of him, he chose to walk out of the door and leave her alone. Misery certainly loved company.

ch2

“I’m glad it’s the holidays,” Sophie said, hugging herself.

“I’m just glad I’m coming home. I haven’t been sleeping for forty-eight hours,” Dominic said nonchalantly.

Sophie craned her neck at this announcement, heavily concerned.

“Why?” she inquired curiously, even though she thought she knew what this was all about.

“Well, you know…I’ve been something like a father figure to the boys at the hostel. I’ve been organizing everything—going out here and there, getting all the foodstuff, listening to their freaking problems…I don’t know. I’m just freaking exhausted,” Dominic replied, his eyes still carefully on the road. Being neighbours, they were on the ride home together.

And still have the time for me, Sophie smiled inwardly.

“Oh. That’s quite funny, you know. You being a father figure.”

“Yeah well…maybe it’s due to the fact I brought the car over to the hostel. You know…since I’m the one with transportation.”

Silence. Sophie wondered how she was supposed to bring up the other night’s topic. She had wanted so much to talk to Dominic about it. Now it was two days after that unfortunate outing, and even though she was feeling better, she still wanted to talk. Simply because talking to Dominic had always made her feel better.

“You know Dom. I feel stupid.”

“Why?”

“Because of the other night.”

“Uh huh?”

“The fact I didn’t say a word to him.”

“Oh, that.”

Silence.

“You are stupid, Soph.”

“Don’t think I don’t already know that.”

“I mean, really. He was there the whole time and you didn’t do anything. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised you decided to just stick around and not even try to start up a conversation. To you, if you like someone, it’s just enough that you get to see him. That’s how you are.”

Sophie gulped. It was all true. She admitted it all silently to herself.

“I guess I just needed to hear that from you.”

Truthfully, Sophie was tired of making herself think about what happened. To her, it was dangerously emotionally exhausting. She had been thinking to herself these past few days. Conversations with Ingrid had made her come into a few conclusions. She would just have to tell him. Yup. One day she would. Hopefully as soon as this one-week holiday ended. Then she wouldn’t have to burden her mind fretting over stuff that has happened. It was all totally pointless. Worthless. Enough.

“Did he say anything?” Sophie asked timidly.

“There wasn’t time.”

Short, simple answer. Clearly he wasn’t Dominic’s favourite topic at the moment.

“I guess there’s nothing much to say.”

Dominic blinked. “He did say he liked hearing your voice.”

“Really?” Sophie said, lighting up.

“Uh huh.”

Then there is hope, Sophie thought. But then, it could mean nothing at all.

Me: so how was the ride?

You: quiet.

Me: did you ask him anything?

You: yeah

Me: you’ve gone monotone. I’m guessing it didn’t go well, huh?

You: yup. Uh huh.

Me: so how do you feel?

You: stupid.

Me: stop it

You: what?

Me: stop saying you’re stupid

You: unfortunately darling, I freaking am.

You’re not stupid: okay?

I am stupid: okay?

Cut it: it’s not helping you

You: okay okay. I’m not stupid.

Me: geez thanks.

You: so anyway. I met up with Claire.

Me: yeah?

You: yup. She says hi (:

Me: how’s she?

You: sleepy. Haha

Me: lol. Did you tell her?

You: yup

Me: so?

You: well, she said I had to apologize to him

Me: huh?

Me: why?

You: because I was supposed to say something to him. Who knew he was expecting me to.

You: well, I wish

Me: so did you?

You: yeah. I did.

You: took me fifteen minutes to type the whole thing

Me: haha

You: so anyway

You: I’m actually feeling a whole lot better.

Me: good. I don’t have to really deal with a negative Sophie then

You: say thank god

Me: thank god (;

You: talking to Claire made me think about some stuff

Me: like?

You: I deserve someone better?

Me: oh wow. Something like a rebound?

You: …

You: don’t you think so? Think. He’s just another version of Dominic. Minus the player part.

Me: well. I can’t say for sure, Soph. I hope you’re not lying to anyone.

You: I don’t hope so either. That would suck.

Me: definitely. What did Claire and you talked about?

You: boys

Me: duh

You: do you remember how the Kingston boys had always been some kind of a rival to our school and how we vowed never to fall for anyone from Kingston?

You: Ingrid?

Me: oh no

You: oh yes

Me: what are you saying?

You: I’m saying

You: that

Me: Sophie

You: I think I’m falling for one

Me: so you’re getting over him?

You: like I said, I deserve someone better

Me: and that someone better is a Kingston boy?

You: I hope so

Me: Sophie

You: I know it’s too fast. But what the heck. I know who’s been checking me out

Me: …

You: oh come on. You know it’s true

Me: I’ll just say be careful

You: you’re the one who said I had to gamble

Me: safely.

You: oh. Okay.

You: I’m just worried about one thing. The fact that he hangs out with the Kingston boys…

Me: isn’t gonna help. And the fat that his friends are in the know that you’re into him isn’t gonna help either

You: it’s gonna help them in thinking I’m a slutty flirt

Me: exactly

Me: so?

You: well. It’s time to gamble.

Gambler: don’t you think so?

Me: now I have to deal with Gambler Sophie. Why do I stick with you?

You: because, dear Ingrid. I tend to make stuff happen. Not wait for them.

Me: oh. I see.

You: so how’s stuff between you and your so-called casual love interest?

Me: well, let me call myself stupid now, can i?

You: more like chicken. That’s what Claire said.

Chicken: okay. I am a big fluffy yellow chicken. Happy?

You: oh come on darl. Make it happen already

Yellow chicken: nuh uh. I don’t exactly make stuff happen. I practically wait for them.

You: chicken

Yellow chicken: pak3!

You: haha. You are crazy

Yellow chicken: the more reasons why you are friends with me, Soph.

You: haha. You are crazy

Me: so we have a new target?

You: looks like it. We’ll see (:

ch1

She felt numb.

That was all, and that was it. Numb.

Sore.

She was sitting at the edge of her window, knees up to her chest and face buried in between them. Her hair was neatly tied up in a ponytail. That was all she cared to do since waking up from yesterday’s nightmare. Sniffing, she brought her face up and looked down the window. Staring at the lake below, she tried—forced—herself to empty her worked up, emotionally exhausted brain.

Imagine a clogged up drain. Full of wasted, three-day old rubbish thrown in by ‘civilians’, full of unwanted stuff and tangled webs of leftover food. Colour? Very darkish olive green with bits of the household pink and orange plastic bags you get at the kedai runcit and kedai makan. Scattered and messy, polluting the environment.

That was exactly how she felt.

“Sophie?” came a groggy voice. Ingrid had just woken up, sleepy eyes and bedhead and all.

Sophie didn’t bother looking up from her stupor.

Ingrid shook her head. Getting out of bed, she stretched herself and watched her friend. Man, she was screwed. Truthfully, she had no idea how Sophie was going to get out of this rotten rut she was in. Absent-mindedly, Ingrid went to the study table they both shared and boiled some water. Grabbing some bread and jam, she prepared breakfast and some hot chocolate for both of them.

Sophie hadn’t said a word. Nor moved an inch. She was still staring out the window. Ingrid knew she was silently thinking. There was a lot going on inside that brain of hers, she knew that. God, please, help her.

“Here,” Ingrid offered the big mug of hot chocolate. It was steaming. Ingrid knew Sophie long enough that she liked it that way.

“I’m skipping my Physics lecture,” Sophie declared. “I’m in no mood whatsoever to walk and go to a nine a.m. class.”

“Okay.”

“What time’s your class today?”

“Eleven.”

“Lucky.”

And then Sophie was quiet. She sipped her chocolate. And stared out the window again. Ingrid munched on the bread she prepared.

“What time is it?” Sophie mumbled.

“Just a quarter to eight.”

“Thanks.”

Silence. Ingrid gulped down her hot chocolate silently, leaving two pieces of bread on the plate.

“Ingrid.”

“Yes?”

“I’m stupid. I just am. Simple.”

More silence.

That was just how Sophie really felt. Stupid to the point that she was numb thinking about it.

“You know what, Sophie? It would really help if you just tell me what exactly happened last night,” Ingrid said pointedly.

“You know what, Ingrid? I think you’re right.”

Sophie finally reached for the bread and took a bite.

“So we went out yesterday. I didn’t expect there would be a couple of other people. Anyway, so we went and he was there as well. And for the whole seven hours that we were hanging out, I didn’t say a single freaking word to him. Not even a simple Hey.”

A sip of the hot chocolate.

“It’s sad. The words wouldn’t come out. And that was it. I didn’t say anything, he didn’t even just as much as looked at me, and we were the only two people not speaking to each other.”

A violent bite to the bread.

“I feel so wasted. And I owe Dominic a lot.”

A low sniff.

“I don’t know how I’m gonna be okay.”

They sat there for a full five minutes and thirty-two seconds staring at the lake. Opposite their building was the boys’ hostel. Sophie chose to stare at it, thinking that in one of those rooms, a boy she liked was probably thinking she was this boring, stupid little girl who was having a stupid crush on him, and who was stupid enough that she couldn’t even utter a single freaking stupid Hey when they had a chance to freaking hang out. For nearly the whole night.

The whole night.

The whole night she was out with them hanging and laughing and making jokes and faces, and she didn’t even have the stupid courage to say all the things she wanted—and needed—and supposed—to say to him. And to only him. How was it possible that she was able to mingle with the rest of them, and when it came to him, there was this invisible super glue attached to her lips, and all of a sudden her voice box was not working at all?

How?

So much for wanting to make it happen and walking the talk.

“I don’t either,” Ingrid finally said.

“What in the world does God has in store for me?” she wondered out loud.

Ingrid felt something for her friend. Sophie was hurting. You could see it; there was nothing to deny that. God, she was hurting. The fact that it was self-inflicted made it even worse. And they both knew she was the one to blame. It was her chance, her opportunity, her opening, and she threw it all away like it was just some stupid assignment that she had decided not worth it all to be handed in. She knew there was nothing she could say that could offer her friend solace. The damage was done. Nicely, neatly, sharply. Zap. The only thing that Ingrid knew Sophie could do now is to talk to him. Honestly, that was all she could do. Or risk losing something that they both knew mattered to her. A lot.

“I’m the one to blame, huh, in the end?” Sophie said slowly. “Now all I need is a second chance.”

Ingrid didn’t say anything. What was there to say?

“Right. When would that be?” Sophie snorted unbelievingly.

“Honey. Stop being so negative,” Ingrid said.

“Screw that. I’m tired of being so positive.”

“Sophie,” Ingrid sighed. Sophie’s pessimism was disgustingly infectious. If she could, she would have called Sophie a loser. But she wasn’t about to. Of course she would get out of this alive. Sophie was right. All she needed was that—a second chance. She drained the last dregs of her hot chocolate. “You can’t just screw your optimism just because of a single nightmare. Move forward. Say what you need to say. There’s absolutely nothing to lose.”

She watched her friend blink significantly. Once.

“Now I’m gonna leave you alone. Finish with the chocolate already?”

“I think a whole bar would be better.”

Ingrid reached for a bar of chocolate on the table. The girls had kept those bars, just in case something emotionally devastating occurred.

“Here then. Take it. It’s high time you need it.”

“Thanks, Ingrid.”

“Will you figure out something, Sophie?”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t want to. Not now. Maybe soon. I can’t be a loser forever, can I?”

Ingrid started toward the door. Just when she was about to open the door, she turned towards Sophie with a dramatic swish of her dark hair.

“Do you know gambling?”

“Uh huh.”

“Do it.”