she never wanted to feel this. dreams that haunt, feelings that lingers. stares that pierced. the moment that she felt his arms around her was a defining moment. it shattered her, everything that she believed in, everything that she thought she had known about herself. and yet it toughens her. she knew what she wanted, or did she?

she felt herself trembling at the layered touch. she tried to hide her scrambled emotions, but it was next to impossible. she could feel her heart racing, wondering if this was what she wanted, a feeling that came whenever she felt exhilarated but guilty at the same time. was it possible that she liked it?

she felt her face getting hot, red from the heat that emanated from that touch. it was important that she chose not to look at him then. all that she could do was have a sneak at the mirror, see how he was, trying to understand what was happening and how he was feeling. he was not looking anywhere but at the papercup in front of him, mirroring him in trying to avoid anyone's gaze.

perfect. now it was really awkward. but she knew that it was what they wanted at that moment, a sign. an acknowledgement. that it was..mutual? that they had a..chance?


...


for days, she tried looking for words to say to him, and to...Alex. sighing, she stared at the laptop screen. scrolling mindlessly through the facebook newsfeed, she let her mind be consumed with people's activities over the weekends. everyone had been busy, while there she was still musing on her feelings. on her newly awakened (?) feelings and the other..fading emotions.

she had not been talking to anyone, spesifically him, or Alex. ever failing to sort out what exactly it was that bothered her, the mixed emotions continued to be left alone.

just leave it, she told herself. He's not worth losing Alex over. Alex is more than that, he's everything.